July 21, 2008

I Guess I'll Never Understand.

I'll never reach my target audience, but that's ok. I've got to write somewhere, and although I've filled journals with my private thoughts, I find some strange comfort in disguising them here as well, for all the world to see. Maybe I want desperately to be understood, or at least acknowledged...maybe if I'm just able to reach one person...Regardless, these thoughts need a home other than my already tormented head. One of the drives failed this morning, and the alarm is driving me crazy...does anyone understand love? I second-guess myself almost constantly. I know that love, true love, is free-spirited and joyful...I just don't get it, still. I feel comfort, security, and deep respect...but what is love? Is it only that fleeting elation that fills us for a few short months when someone new occupies the vacant apartment in our hearts? Is love a lasting affair, or does it only give way to cozy reassurance? When you've loved and lost, it's much worse; the young blossom of love that never had a chance to open effectively lives forever as it dies in its youth. The mind allows the heart to perpetuate the expectation and enjoyment of the love that was never fully explored (and one that ended dramatically or tragically). The best love stories are the ones that don't have an ending, however, by this same right; what happens after the guy gets the girl? Do they really live happily ever after, or does their love grow and then dissolve into fuzzy complacency? I'm being harsh and irrational, but for the sake of the argument, I feel my description of love is fitting. In a love story where the couple separates, as with forbidden love, where external situations affect and ultimately cause the demise of young love, there is a deep and powerful respect, an "awe" if you will, for love. This is yet another great irony of this life we live. In order to ensure that a love will last forever, you must never fully pursue it. You will always remember the feelings and the power of the love you let go, but it will torment your poor soul forever. Good luck.
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