July 30, 2008

It Takes A Teenage Riot To Get Me Outta' Bed Right Now.

Is this the new fall header?? Perhaps. I'm not sure if I'll dig this in the long-run, as usually too much white just annoys me. I do like the way it turned out though, and I went through my typical five rough drafts to get the lovely banner that hopefully isn't still rendering above. Unless you're a twenty-first century caveman who's just discovered the 56k dial-up connection, you should see me sitting (quite comfortably) above. Does it creep you out? Let me know. Yes, I really do have too much time on my hands.

Well, I have been listening to This Heat's Deceit alot lately; it's quickly become one of my top twenty-five favorite albums of all time, booting Tortoise's eponymous debut out of the line-up. Standards, however, has been climbing the 4.5 star ladder these days, as "Seneca" and "Speakeasy" have become an absolute obsession with me. Other notables are Sonic Youth's No Wave classic, Daydream Nation, as well as Glenn Branca's The Ascension. I've been researching some of the greatest albums of all time, from The Stooges' Fun House to Iggy Pop's The Idiot, as well as The Violent Femmes' and The Modern Lovers' post and proto-punk self-titled classics; what you'll learn is that David Bowie is a god, Iggy is a godfather, and Jonathan Richman wasn't really straight (I could be wrong).

In other news, my head has stopped tormenting me for the time being; perhaps I've discovered the secret to even-tempered living in twenty-oh-eight, or perhaps I've discovered Zoloft. I guess those are either/or/one-in-the-same situations. Take it however you like.

July 21, 2008

I Guess I'll Never Understand.

I'll never reach my target audience, but that's ok. I've got to write somewhere, and although I've filled journals with my private thoughts, I find some strange comfort in disguising them here as well, for all the world to see. Maybe I want desperately to be understood, or at least acknowledged...maybe if I'm just able to reach one person...Regardless, these thoughts need a home other than my already tormented head. One of the drives failed this morning, and the alarm is driving me crazy...does anyone understand love? I second-guess myself almost constantly. I know that love, true love, is free-spirited and joyful...I just don't get it, still. I feel comfort, security, and deep respect...but what is love? Is it only that fleeting elation that fills us for a few short months when someone new occupies the vacant apartment in our hearts? Is love a lasting affair, or does it only give way to cozy reassurance? When you've loved and lost, it's much worse; the young blossom of love that never had a chance to open effectively lives forever as it dies in its youth. The mind allows the heart to perpetuate the expectation and enjoyment of the love that was never fully explored (and one that ended dramatically or tragically). The best love stories are the ones that don't have an ending, however, by this same right; what happens after the guy gets the girl? Do they really live happily ever after, or does their love grow and then dissolve into fuzzy complacency? I'm being harsh and irrational, but for the sake of the argument, I feel my description of love is fitting. In a love story where the couple separates, as with forbidden love, where external situations affect and ultimately cause the demise of young love, there is a deep and powerful respect, an "awe" if you will, for love. This is yet another great irony of this life we live. In order to ensure that a love will last forever, you must never fully pursue it. You will always remember the feelings and the power of the love you let go, but it will torment your poor soul forever. Good luck.

July 16, 2008


I'm back from sunny California, and it's nice to be home, although LA was quite lovely. It was nice to get away, if only for a long weekend. I've been really getting excited about fall lately, as usual for me right around mid-July. I love the changing seasons. I love wearing comfortable fall clothes, I love the golden fall sunshine, and I love the falling leaves in brilliant shades of orange and red. My days have been full of happiness and peace. I am happy now. Right now.

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